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July 28, 2006

letharg... whatever

It's the heat. I go to do something, anything, and immediately loose all motivation. At least it's friday. Well friends, it's that time of year again. Time for me to head up to exotic northern california for a week in the middle of nowhere. How hot will it be? 113? 114? Doesn't really matter. No internet, little cell phone reception, no starbucks. I need it. My body is telling me that i need it. I need it the way rosie o'donnel needs cake. I lead worship every year at a camp in lake camanche, ca. It's awesome because when I'm home, i don't do the things i should do for my own mental health. Things like: read, sleep, eat a balanced diet. but up there i have no choice. It's awesome. Also awesome is the fact that there are literally no mirrors up there for the entire week. I come back the manliest i could possibly be. I love being away from all this. Hollywood can be a draining place. I have so much to do before i leave. Anytime i go out of town i end up cramming a weeks worth of activity into a day or so. So by the time i get on the plane or in the car i've been awake for like 3 hours, my mind racing to figure out what I can get done while in the air or on the road. And today is no exception. ahh.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 04:55 PM | Comments (0)

July 25, 2006

Happiness

It's internal, and that's a beautiful thing. It's finally cooling down here in orange county. I went this morning, as I do most mornings, to my favorite coffee shop to get some work done, and their air conditioning had broken. You should've seen the looks on the faces of the employees. Terror. And i can't blame them. So i sat outside. New most ridiculous item in my apartment: a vacuum. What the heck are we supposed to do with that?

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 04:33 PM | Comments (0)

July 22, 2006

different

As I look around at the world of pop culture today, i'm reminded of how very opposite my views on life are from many out there. There are so many who believe that a revolution is possible and that the voice of the people will rise up and be heard That the Bush administration has done such a terrible job, anyone will be better in 2008. But here's the way i think: if there was another in power, and things were different socially, and the voice of the people was heard and their ideas put into motion, then what? Happiness? Fulfillment? Does anyone think that fighting would stop? My question is partly one of motivation regarding those who voice political opinions demanding change. I do believe that there are many out there who genuinely believe with their whole heart that change would indeed bring happiness and fulfillment. But i don't understand their reasons for this belief. Here's where the philosophy comes into play. Something is wrong with us. I'm talking about our state. There IS something wrong with us. As much as I hate to use this word, i think it's the only appropriate one: we're sinful. And it's because of my belief in our being sinful that I look around and say "y'all don't get it." The fulfillment we're promised in a million different ways has been promised since the beginning of time and has never been delivered. This thinking is what lead me, and still leads me, into christianity. Some might say "i'm not talking about happiness and fulfillment, i just don't want anyone to die or any sort of injustice to happen in the world." And again my thinking comes back to the fact that there are certain paradigms that we're brought up with that are simply in us. Like justice, for instance. There is an "ought". And it's that ought that is never realized in this world. It is that ought that pisses you off when someone cuts you off on the freeway, and it is the ought that outrages us when we see the mass graves of the holocaust. It is this feeling of ought that reveals to us our need for salvation. We, as a race, are yearning for something. Many of us never end up articulating our need, but we all know it. We don't know much about it, we just know that this life and world aren't the ought that we feel in our gut.

Of course i have political opinions and think that things should be run a certain way, but that's not what i'm talking about. I'm talking about the big picture. I'm talking about something we all have in common, regardless of religion or race or place of birth or age. I'm talking about our need. Our lack. Christian intellectuals call it "depravity", the fact that we are in need of salvation. It's who we are, it's everything we do. It's the reason we spend so much time on the way we look, it's the reason we think money will make us happy, it's the reason people move to hollywood, with fame and fortune to be found. We think that these things will make us happy. We think that if we wear certain clothes or drive certain cars that we'll be fulfilled. But it never goes down like that.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 08:52 AM | Comments (1)

July 21, 2006

mmm...

I love me some fig newtons. Always have, always will. They're just so good, and a healthy alternative to the cookie. I'm also addicted to propel fitness water. They're 10 for $10 at Ralph's right now, by the way. My fridge is full of diet coke and now propel. Never any food. I don't know why that is, but just about every guy i know will go to the store and buy a fridge full of beverages and not really anything to eat, with the exception of small carb-filled items, like fig newtons. That's just how we roll.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 10:29 AM | Comments (0)

July 19, 2006

Will Hoge

This guy is the real thing. He rocked hollywood last night in a way it rarely is. I really can't believe he's not a complete superpower in music. Best show i've seen in a while.
Life is good. Really good. And this is my life, right here right now. It's happening and i can't do anything to slow it down. People always say ambiguous quasi-philosophical things like "don't let your life pass you by". And i've realized that not letting that happen is an attitude. it's a way of thinking, realizing that nothing in the future is worthy of placing hope in. Someday is now, today. And i think that it's this paradigm that is at the heart of the gospel. That we ARE living in the ether of God's grace. But i don't think we really believe that, because we are so prone to shallow materialism. Even as i type this i am hesitant because i am painting myself in a corner. I've admitted what really drives me! Some of this is hard to talk about simply because you can't ever prove where someone's heart is. But if you're honest, you feel the american paradigm in your gut. We were raised with it, it is who we are. Most of the world lives on $1 per day. And what Jesus said was directed at them. The downtrodden, the poor. Which i am not, and you are not. And so we read the words of Christ with our american upbringing and i'm not sure we're able to really understand what he's saying, because i'm not really sure he said it to us. I never want to force anything when it comes to this stuff. The church spends so much time making 2+2=5, and it's what has let them to their current state. Enter Derek Webb. Our musical Martin. Enter the youth of today, who i hope and sometimes believe really see the folly of their parents church, and allow God to demonstrate his grace through them, as well as through themselves. Enter Donald Miller who is brilliant and badass. Enter our children, who will write these types of blogs about us, and hopefully come to see grace through thinking about it. Hollywood is a cold place. One where grace, true grace, is rarely if ever seen. And that's what i'm realizing. That as i look around the troubadour, or the 405, or the beverly center, we all know the same thing. We all feel it in our gut. The need for grace is ugly. But you can't prove any of this. All you can do is be honest, which is what this blog is. This is what i know to be true.

I just realized that i could make a pretty solid argument for the Lutheran church having a secret agenda for producing the worst names for christian singing groups possible. Let's start with this one: "acclaim".

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 07:03 AM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2006

Most ridiculous item in my apartment:

Coasters. We actually have, and are somewhat careful to use them. I can guarantee that the coasters cost more than the coffee table that holds them. Our mothers would be proud. Coasters were always surrounded in hype in my house growing up. I could have a glass of warm tap water and my mom would insist that i set it on a coaster. I'd be like "But mom, it's room temperature tap water, surely this will not sweat and leave a ring..." "COASTER!" my mom would scream, "Put it on the effing coaster!!!!!!" And so out the coaster would come as i set my glass down. (side note: the bit about my mom screaming at me is just a joke. my mother is a lovely woman, incapable of speaking to another human being with such a tone. She did get close once though, when she found out i went to this rave in san bernadino and sent a cab to come get me... yeah she was pretty pissed. But whatever she said to me that night was completely deserved and justified. But seriously, she was really big on the coaster growing up) Anyway, our coffee table was $6 at ikea, and it's held up wonderfully. i love ikea. I could spend days in there. Kristi and I have gone on quasi-dates to ikea, both before and after we were dating. It's a great idea guys, a little ice cream, a diet coke or two, and you've got a date night for like $2. Can't beat it.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 10:32 AM | Comments (2)

July 17, 2006

It's so hot

Milk was a bad choice. Have you guys seen the video on you tube of the women newscaster smashing grapes at a vineyard? It's the hardest i've laughed in a long time. Go check out my myspace page (www.myspace.com/chriscox) because andrew steven got down and completely redesigned it. I asked him if he might be willing to make a banner for me, and he just went to town. Be sure to check him out as well (www.myspace.com/andrewstevenband). He's also in my top 8. For my musician friends: Andrew is available for hire if you feel like your page needs a re-vamp. Everything the guy does looks great, and his fees are more than reasonable. Check him out sometime.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 12:20 PM | Comments (0)

July 15, 2006

ouch!

Last night i played a show with Tyrone Wells, who's years of hard work and dedication are really paying off. Like literally can't get in the door, gonna be $80 to see him in a year, fainting girls paying off. Here's the thing i really like about Tyrone: He's been out on his own now for about 5 years. With the exception of new songs, nothing has changed about his show. Nothing. He still plays the tunes he was playing 5 years ago as well. And that makes me happy. Because if you believe you have a good idea, you just gotta do it and keep believing in it. Just keep going. Which is what he has done and inspires me to do.

My best friend Tyrone (Warren...not wells...) is in town right now from Boston. Haven't seen him for months and it was great to tonight. All the same fart jokes we've been telling since 7th grade, but filtered through college educations and relationships and spiritual education and growth. I really have missed the guy.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 02:08 AM | Comments (0)

July 13, 2006

Tension

For the first time in a long time the other night I prayed. I mean really prayed. Not that i'm at the end of my rope, i just momentarily felt like it. For so long now i've had an attitude of indifference towards prayer. Because i didn't understand the point, and the bible wasn't giving me any help. If God is sovereign and nothing falls outside his government, what is the point of praying? Am i going to change God's mind? Well, i remembered the other night, while praying, that it really lifts your burdens off of you. I can't really explain it. Because i know that God knows everything i'm going to say and my motivations for saying them. That's not the point. He may know those things, but I don't, and therein lies the cathartic aspect of prayer. It's like therapy time with Jesus. I can't explain it really. It's a way of reminding yourself of your position in the universe. But most people in the church don't really pray that way. The reason i had abandoned prayer was because of my involvement in the church. Most of the things that happen at many churches have in fact (in my opinion) nothing to do with God at all. And that's fine, but i think you gotta call it what it is. And so in lies the frustration. The funny thing that happens at church services like those i'm talking about is that we're all thinking the same thing. Well, maybe not ALL of us, but so many of us are thinking "what is this crap?". But we don't ever say anything, because you cannot actually prove that someone is full of crap. That's the reason people get away with it. Only God can judge the heart. But, i feel completely insulted when i see someone in church leadership behave this way. Insulted because the church is effectively telling me that they think my level of intelligence so low, i'll actually buy what they're selling. The college i went to is without a doubt the most intelligence insulting place i've ever been to when it comes to spiritual things. And they're one of many institutions with the same mentality.

This is the point in my thinking where it usually hits me. I'm doing the same thing i hate them for doing. Truly i haven't understood the gospel. Truly i haven't felt or understood the grace of God. I was writing a song about God with a friend the other day, and i wanted the chorus to say "i still don't believe that you love me..." my buddy didn't want to use those lyrics because he really does believe the gospel. But i meant what i was trying to say. I don't believe that God loves me and is the truth and that Jesus died to save me. I don't believe it. I won't believe it. It's not able to be believed. These are scary words, because our entire salvation hinges, biblically speaking, on this term "believe". I don't really know what that term means, and i'm not sure anyone does. But, i do believe that the grace of god extends beyond my lack of belief, whatever that is. Anyone who tells you differently must think pretty highly of theirself. It's called audacity, and Christianity is saturated with it. As was Jesus, but everything he said made sense.

I dropped my cell phone for like the 100,000th time yesterday. I think it's done.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 08:55 AM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2006

Perfection

It's perfect today. It just is. I'm using iChat right now for the first time in like a year. (i got a new computer) and i now remember that it stresses me out. I always feel like i have to come up with more to say. People tell me that the beauty of iChat is that it's okay to just stop typing without saying goodbye, but i just don't feel right about it. I guess i just need to become comfortable with digital etiquette.

If you are unfamiliar with relevant magazine, check them out here: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/. They have a podcast that makes me laugh, out loud on a regular basis. You can find it by searching on iTunes. Do it.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 01:22 PM | Comments (0)

July 10, 2006

california

Kristi and I went for a drive up the coast the other day to santa barbara. Last time I was there was a couple months ago, playing for a sold out crowd at Reds. But i digress. It's just too beautiful there. I love it. I played out in silver lake last night, opening for John Paul at his record release party. Never has the term "party" been more applicable, with plenty of food and drink to go around.

I saw this girl in the supermarket the other day, and i was positive that i knew her, but i couldn't remember where i knew her from, let alone her name. And in my mind's racing to remember where we'd met in the past, we made the most awkward eye contact. She apparently didn't remember me, by the way she gave me a look that called me a creep, and then briskly walked away. Situations like that are awkward for all of us, but even more awkward is the second seeing of that person in the same visit to the supermarket. I hate that.

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 07:45 AM | Comments (0)

July 02, 2006

Well, what i meant was...

Guys, i'm just gonna be honest here: i think i'm done explaining. For a long time now i have felt a good deal of tension while doing artistic things, especially when creating the abstract. Tension because while creating, i knew that a lot of explaining would have to be done on my part. Now, i feel like I have a decent command over the english language, but for some reason (well, i actually know the reason...) i have an impossible time explaining what i've meant. The reason is my view on art and theology. I think both of these are really really complicated. Like i could write several books on each. And therein lies my inability to communicate what i'm trying to convey on an artistic level. Because i'd have to write a book to really feel like i've gotten it all out and really conveyed what i mean. And so pretty soon the entire reason for making said art in the first place becomes depraved. So, i think from now on , i'm just going to do. And if i want to explain i will. But i've never felt artistic freedom like i now do, having typed what i just did.
Life is so so so so good. I mean really good. How are you? Wrote another tune the other day, melancholy and warm sounding. The warm came from Dave. I'm good at bringing the former.
Kristi and I went and saw "the devil wears prada" this afternoon, and i was reminded of something... gay guys are just freaking hilarious. Us straighties could never compete. I don't really understand it, actually. I can't think of one gay man i've ever met that wasn't wittily anticipating my putting my foot in my mouth in any way. How is that possible?
My sister paints cool pictures. Two of them hang in my apartment and i'm pretty proud of her. Plus she's provided us some much needed decor. Guys never know how to decorate, and most of them don't care. But i always appreciate well thought out decor, i just have no desire or ability to produce it.
I'm playing at the sawdust festival soon, you should come.., bring the kids if you have them. And your appetite. Should be fun, and i think Corey's gonna get in on the action for the first time in months. This is a sad state of affairs. So come see Corey redeem me in laguna beach...

Posted by chriscoxmusic at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)