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April 27, 2007
The problem
Here's how I feel about the state of our nation:
Young people feel no sense of ownership in this country of ours. This is not our country anymore, it's our government's country. And this is scary because it is not true. I sense an "us vs. them" attitude in young people regarding our government. Again, scary. Because the truth is, this is our country. This is the greatest country that has ever existed. But something has happened to us. I think it happened during our parent's youth. We've forgotten where we came from. We've forgotten why we came into existence in the fist place. And it looks like we're headed, in some ways, towards the very thing we ran from in the first place. I believe society collapses when hope is taken away. This is why totalitarianism has never and will never worked. Because that system of government places a ceiling on what a person can do with their life. But hope is limitless. Hope has no end. Hope is the reason Martin Luther did what he did. Hope is the reason the pilgrims came here. Because of the wonderful unknown.
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 01:45 AM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2007
Right Now
I am
About to get married
Running a small company
Trying to start a big company
Working at a church
Learning the music for 2 rehearsals I have tomorrow, none of which I'm familiar with
Broke
Completely exhausted
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 02:44 AM | Comments (1)
April 18, 2007
Nothing but clairity 2.0
Again I find myself here, with nothing but clarity. Pretty much no money, what feels like very little control, and an unexplainable peace. I was watching this David Blane special on tv last night. Aside from his being the Anti-Christ, there were a couple things of value I took away. He was doing this thing where he tried to hold his breath for a really long time. Wanted to break the world record. So they're showing him underwater and he said "when you hold your breath for a long time, things start to become vivid and calm". And I thought, yeah, that makes sense. Things in my life are pretty hectic right now. But I feel calm for the most part, because i've been here before.
When I was in school, especially high school, I would tense up when the teacher passed out an assignment. It would be a 3 page paper or something, and as she was assigning it, this feeling of "oh no" would come over me. You would think because I just didn't want to write the paper or do the assignment, but that is not the reason I would tense up. I would tense up because every other time in life when something had been assigned, I didn't do it. I didn't write the paper, I didn't read the 3 chapters, I didn't do the problems. And so I had to hustle. I had to charm my way into a passing grade. And that is a very stressful lifestyle to live. But it's interesting that now a days i find the same thing happening. A while back I got a parking ticket, and I got that same "oh no" feeling. Not because I didn't want to pay the $42.00, but because EVERY other time i've gotten a parking ticket in life, i've neglected to pay it, racked up the late fees and had it come back to bite me when I needed to register my car or renew my license. I wonder what other areas of life function like this? I wonder how easy it would be to just avoid that "oh no" feeling all together. But changing is SO hard. And the truth is, I get something out of having my life in chaos. When life is in chaos, you must rely on grace. You must rely on people saying "ah, it's okay, i'll forgive you". And if someone says that to you, you must be worth something. You must have some value. What a sick way to measure your worth, huh? So now that i'm trying to change, I feel like i'm not worth anything. And then I realize that i've lived my entire life in bondage to the lie that satan has sold me since birth. That my worth is found in the adoration of man. I think that satan's biggest objective is to get us to ignore what we all know to be true. To ignore God. Because you can't have things both ways in life. You know?
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2007
A few things
1) Girls just love babies. Young girls, old girls, teenage girls. They all just love babies.
2) I'm going to go ahead and commit here and say that my favorite song of all time is "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" by Billy Joel.
that's all for now, God bless!
Chris
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 02:24 PM | Comments (1)
April 05, 2007
What are you doing up?
For the past few years, many of my my friends have said things like "i just wish I was a kid again. You know, with no real responsibilities or worries". And i've never felt that way. I've been waiting to be an adult my whole life. I hated college, couldn't wait to be done so I could live my life. When I was a kid, I would wake up at like 5 in the morning and make coffee and read the Wall Street Journal. No joke. On one occasion my mom woke up early and came out to see me sitting at our kitchen table, partaking in aforementioned coffee and paper. What are you doing up?" she asked, clearly implying that I needed to go back to bed. I said "Mom, it's a great day to be alive!". So needless to say, i wasn't really a normal kid. I never liked cartoons or games or sports or fighting. I couldn't wait to be an adult. Well, i'm here now. And for the first time in my life, I find myself longing for the care-free paradigm I enjoyed in my youth. Because it's happening. Sllliiiigggght hair loss. Not so slight weight gain. Freaking massive amounts of stress. It's happening. I love my life and am SO blessed. But blessing are just that - blessings. They are not my salvation. They are not Jesus. They are not the love of God that I so desperately need. I've never been one to cry. I can count the times i've cried in my adult life on less than one hand. Like less than half of one hand. But lately I find myself getting choked up all the time. A song, a memory, seeing kids with their parents. And I can't even really articulate why. it's just this thing. It's this thing we all know. We all know it.
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 06:07 PM | Comments (0)
April 03, 2007
Life
It just never stops. It never stops and the future is a commodity. The future can be bought, sold and packaged by Bank of America, who tell me that they care about me. I don't buy it. You know that phone call you get from your mechanic while your car is in the shop, telling you that your brakes are down to 2%? They're down to 2% and they really want you to be safe. Driving around with brakes like that is dangerous and they wouldn't want something bad to happen. Cause, you know, they really care about you. Very few people have ever truly cared about me. And I think most people can say the same thing. This is not as bad as it seems. It's not even bad. It's just the way it is. It's human nature to just look out for you and yours. This is why the golden rule is a rule. A rule is something that has to be in place because people don't naturally behave a certain way. It's just the way it is. But, there is something horrible about a bank, or a politician or a mechanic telling people that they care about them in order to make money. I think it's evil to abuse the human condition. To prey on the fact that we all want to be cared for and loved. This is exactly what Benny Hinn does. He preys on our depravity.
Posted by chriscoxmusic at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)